Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
