She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
