whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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