so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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