it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize