Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize