You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
