My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
