dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
