after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
