man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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