i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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