She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
