I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
