can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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