Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
