I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
