You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
