also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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