Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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