Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So vagazzling was a success
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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