Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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