your parents love me but you hate me
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize