mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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