As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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