two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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