Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
