I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
