At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
