We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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