And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
