Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
