I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
