Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
