Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
