so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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