it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
