She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize