I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
