Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
