You don't have asthma, your pregnant
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
