Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
