What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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