My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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