went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
