hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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