you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I cut my penus on the lid.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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