I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
