I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
