i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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