how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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