That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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