I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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