I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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