mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
