My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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