Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize