i don't like sucking hair
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
