I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
