You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
