Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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