Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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