She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So vagazzling was a success
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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