Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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