I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
