I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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