i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
