i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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