my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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