i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
